how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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