I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
