It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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