Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
