Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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