if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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