Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
