Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
