you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
