im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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