shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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