Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
