when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
