Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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