Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
