More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
