worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
