Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize