I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
