maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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