my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
