All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
