i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
