i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
