I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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