Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
