Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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