i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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