Will you blow on my dice?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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