dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
