The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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