i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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