is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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