At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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