So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
