Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
