he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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