I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
