i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
