the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
honey bunches of taint.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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