To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh god it's open bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
