I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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