I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
