I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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