I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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