wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
