Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize