We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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