for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
