R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
