The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
