she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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