you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
