I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
