Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
