I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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