It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
