kristin has been a bad kristin
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
