she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
