ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need to stop coming to work sober
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
