hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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